Feeling Disconnected From Your Loved One? Here are 3 Ways to Reconnect
Thanks to Hollywood and other cultural norms, many couples have been led to believe the secret to reconnecting and rekindling the passion is through a Caribbean cruise, sports cars, or jewelry.
The reality is, once there’s a disconnect between partners, gifts and vacations simply won’t cut it.
It may seem counterintuitive, but love is mended not through grandiose deeds, but through small acts of kindness; through the seemingly micro-moments.
It is in these moments when we have a choice to listen to our partner and love them.
If you and your partner are feeling disconnected,
Here are a 3 ways you and your partner can reconnect:
1. Pay Closer Attention
It is not maliciousness but rather mindlessness that often causes a disconnect.
Ask yourself these questions, and be honest! No judgement here at all. No one is perfect.
When your partner turns to you with an emotional need, or to simply be heard, do you stop what you’re doing and give them your full attention?
Or do you mumble something and nod a little, all-the-while checking your Facebook page or something else that is holding your attention?
One of the most important steps to reconnecting is to become more self-aware and understand that you are, most likely, not paying your partner the kind of attention they seek and need.
When your partner reaches for you, reach back. Showing kindness and respect, especially in those moments when it feels hard (like when the game is on or your coworker is texting you juicy office gossip), will go a long way toward reconnecting you.
The Gottmans, long time love and relationship success researchers, call this Turning Towards your partner as apposed to Turning Away. Gottman research has found that couples who primarily turn toward one another will have a lasting, loving relationship; where those who do not, will have a relationship ending in break-up eventually.
2. Make an Effort to Understand Your Partner Better
Often times disconnection comes not from what is said between you both, but what is not said.
Many couples complain they feel their partner wants them to be a mind reader!
But what partners really want is for the other person to take the time to get to know them.
Think of it, if you’ve been with your spouse or partner for three years, five years, fifteen years and you STILL don’t know what scares them, frustrates them or pleases them, what does that say?
Does it say they are not worth you taking the time to try and understand them as they are?
If you truly want to reconnect, know it will take intentional action on a consistent basis, and much of that intentional action will simply be learning how your partner operates.
The good news is, understanding each other better means you won’t take things so personally anymore because you’ll know your partner’s inner workings that come from places other than from within your relationship.
Instead of seeing your partner as angry or defensive all the time, you’ll recognize their sensitivities and fears that were present long before the two of you got together.
Reconnecting need noot feel like a challange!
The best way to rekindle the joy and passion is to play together.
Go out on a date to a place you’ve never been, play a new game you both haven’t played before, try something new… whatever it is, just try and have genuine fun together.
Relationships require intentional focus, action, and loving care.
Most couples will experience a sense of disconnect from time to time.
Put these three steps into action for the health and enjoyment of your relationship!
You’ll be able to reconnect and feel closer than ever.
If for some reason you feel you need more help reconnecting with one another, couples therapy can help.
If you and your loved one are interested in exploring couples therapy, please reach out. I am happy to speak with you about how I can help.